Well, it's been nearly a month....
I hardly have the initiative to write on here anymore.
I feel like everything I've written over the last year and a half is basically a crock of shit. I look back, and nothing makes sense. I have many doubts. I feel like the way I look at things is completely changing. I think I've become a doubting Thomas. I still believe in God. But I feel like I'm back at square one. I feel like I don't really know anything. The key word there is know.
I feel like I've gone through my life thus far, and have been spoon-fed everything I believe. I hate that feeling. Faith is one thing. Faith is great. But believing something just because some guy who went to seminary (or went to Master's Comission) told me to believe it, that is not good enough for me anymore. I know this sounds awefully bitter, and maybe it is. I am just done being a passive, pew-sitting follower of Christ. I'm done nodding my head and jotting down cliche puke in my precious little journal and then underlining it twice. I want a relationship with my Creator that is between me and my Creator. Not between me and my pastor and my Creator. Or my Now don't get me wrong. Yes, I am completely dissatisfied with the local Church. Yes, I do think that She's heading down the wrong path. But I haven't given up on Her. I haven't given up on community. In fact, I think that's probably exactly what I need.
I just want people to stop following blindly. That was NEVER what Christ had in mind. He came to open our eyes, and somewhere along the line, we labelled it honorable to close our eyes and walk straight forward, paying no attention to what (or who) we might be trampelling on.
I guess you guys could pray for me. The place I'm at spiritually right now is not really a safe place. I think I'm here for a reason. And I can't wait to come out on the other side.
faithLOVEhope | 
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